Sunday, April 15, 2012


Today Isaac and I tried out a new church.  It is a very large church for our area so I was surrounded by a lot of people but honestly I have never felt so alone.

Moving 3,000+ miles to our current home has been some what of a culture shock.  We lived on an island that felt more like an isolated Asian country far removed from the average American life.  It was a culture shock when we moved to that island and now I'm experiencing another culture shock.  It's weird I cannot just go get some of my favorite Pho Ga on a rainy day.  It's also weird that everyone I talk to speaks English as their first language.

I sometimes feel alone because I don't have friends here yet.  Other times I feel so alone within the body of Christ.  I feel like I don't fit in anywhere.  It's especially hard to explain when people notice how much I stand out in their community and they know I'm not from here.  I don't fit in a nice little package of what a nice Christian woman is.  I have my own style and I'm not about conforming to fashion in order to fit in.  God made me different, very different.  Both in the Spiritual/Intellectual and Fashion sense.

Honestly, my home is technically I suppose where I was born (Michigan) but that does not feel like home either.  It never really has.  I always felt like the black sheep of the family.  One of my Aunts has wanted me to come home and get into a normal life routine but in actuality that will never happen.  You can't cage a bird who wants, who NEEDS to fly.

Societies view of normal was not my idea of normal.  I didn't like the "normal" I saw so I wanted to created my own normal.

People think I am crazy for following my heart but I don't care at this point.  I'd rather be seen as crazy but have a purposeful life given to me by God than to live a stagnant life that leads to unhappiness, discontentment, and pretty much living in the Flesh as stated in Galatians 5.

Galatians 5:16-26

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 
17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 
18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 
21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 
24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 
25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 
26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Following my heart, my love of Jesus Christ is the only way I want to live.  I want to love as it states above loving in the Spirit and not the flesh.
"He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."  (Luke 10:2)


  1. I can relate to this a lot. I'm glad you posted it and I had a feeling your Facebook status had a story behind it. May the Lord hold you up and guide you during this season. There's no rule against church-hopping if need be. I had to do it for years. *hug*

  2. Awww, Girl! My heart is aching for you as I read this post--I so wish I could give you a hug right now! Just thought I'd share a few verses with you and hope they will encourage you as they've encouraged me. . . .

    "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fail; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
    --Isaiah 40:30-31

    "Beacause of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
    --Lamentations 3:22-23

    "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."
    --Psalm 46:1

    I know how you feel about feeling like you don't 'fit in' in either a Spiritual or fashion sense. . .I've felt that way for many, many years as well. I will be praying that God will lead you to a community of believers who will be a source of encouragement and family to you as the ones you left behind were.

    Keep your chin up Girl! Stepping out into the unknown is always hard, but God is faithful to provide!

    Praying for you!!!

  3. I can relate to this feeling as well! I've actually been really "down" recently because I just can't connect to my family the way I'd like. It reminds me how grateful I am for friends God has brought into my life even by the Internet! :-) I've never felt at "home" anywhere, and honestly I doubt I ever will. This is not our home, so I think that's why it can feel "off." It's so perplexing to see Christians even so conformed to this world. I feel like the odd ball! I posted a blog recently called "unpopular," and it was mostly referring to my stance as far as business goes - refusing to do anything business related on Sundays and refusing to support charities to "look good" because I know they don't support what I believe. It's uncomfortable at times, but the point of it is it's supposed to feel uncomfortable! This is not our home and our treasure is waiting in Heaven! The moment I start to feel comfortable with worldly living is the moment I know I need to focus back on God! I am praying for you and truly appreciate your blog and your sharing from your heart. If you ever need a listening ear, someone to pray with, or anything just let me know!

  4. Thanks ladies for your reply. I appreciate your comments more than you know!
    Emilee: You are right our only true home is in Heaven. I'm so glad you are standing firm in your beliefs. I agree with your statement of feeling comfortable though. Right on!!!