The Night

I feel there is a peace that comes from the night.  Most people are asleep and it just feels so quiet and perfect.

In that darkness some people get scared because of the absence of light.  However, it is a wonderful break in that light that we are tempted and can see the fruits of our labor.  It also makes you realize how much you miss that light.  How much you miss the warmth on your face when basking in God's glory, in His will.

The night can be very lonely thinking about what is next in your life and more importantly where are you at right now.

I love writing at night because it gives me that peaceful atmosphere that I need to concentrate.  However, this also reminds me how I can't shut everyone out of my life.  I need to jump in feet first and experience life.  I think i love writing at night because it is some sort of protection from others critizing me.  The whole time I am just in the deep pursuit of God's presence.

Alone

Today Isaac and I tried out a new church.  It is a very large church for our area so I was surrounded by a lot of people but honestly I have never felt so alone.

Moving 3,000+ miles to our current home has been some what of a culture shock.  We lived on an island that felt more like an isolated Asian country far removed from the average American life.  It was a culture shock when we moved to that island and now I'm experiencing another culture shock.  It's weird I cannot just go get some of my favorite Pho Ga on a rainy day.  It's also weird that everyone I talk to speaks English as their first language.

I sometimes feel alone because I don't have friends here yet.  Other times I feel so alone within the body of Christ.  I feel like I don't fit in anywhere.  It's especially hard to explain when people notice how much I stand out in their community and they know I'm not from here.  I don't fit in a nice little package of what a nice Christian woman is.  I have my own style and I'm not about conforming to fashion in order to fit in.  God made me different, very different.  Both in the Spiritual/Intellectual and Fashion sense.

Honestly, my home is technically I suppose where I was born (Michigan) but that does not feel like home either.  It never really has.  I always felt like the black sheep of the family.  One of my Aunts has wanted me to come home and get into a normal life routine but in actuality that will never happen.  You can't cage a bird who wants, who NEEDS to fly.

Societies view of normal was not my idea of normal.  I didn't like the "normal" I saw so I wanted to created my own normal.

People think I am crazy for following my heart but I don't care at this point.  I'd rather be seen as crazy but have a purposeful life given to me by God than to live a stagnant life that leads to unhappiness, discontentment, and pretty much living in the Flesh as stated in Galatians 5.

Galatians 5:16-26

¹⁶ So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 

¹⁷ For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever^[c] you want. 

¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 

²¹and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 

²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 

²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 

²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Following my heart, my love of Jesus Christ is the only way I want to live.  I want to love as it states above loving in the Spirit and not the flesh.

"He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."  (Luke 10:2)